Is That A Gun In Your Pocket?
by CUtopia
Summary: Hitmen!AU - When Percy applies for an internship, he doesn't suspect that he's stumbling into a misconception that'll turn his life upside down.


Entry for the **Quidditch Fanfiction League Competition** , Season 6, _Round 3_ – Wigtown Wanderers vs Tutshill Tornadoes

 **Position:** Captain

 **Prompt:** Each position has been given a different prompt associated with the 90s to interpret as you wish. - _Pulp Fiction_

 **Word Count:** 3,000

 **Betas:** DinoDina, AelysAlthea

Hitmen!AU

For Dina ;)

* * *

 **Is That A Gun In Your Pocket?**

Percy Weasley fiddled nervously with his tie, scrutinising his appearance in the elevator mirror. He wore his best suit today, had polished his shoes and combed his hair neatly into a professional look, but appearance wasn't everything. For job interviews, preparation was key, and of course he'd done so meticulously… but he still felt so nervous that he feared he would piss his pants at any moment. Knowing that he was fully qualified for the job just didn't seem enough.

"You can do this. You're an honour roll student, you're a hard worker, you can do this," he told his reflection with forced calmness after exhaling forcefully – just in that moment, the elevator doors parted and the lady waiting outside them looked quite bewildered at his little ritual.

Clearing his throat, he shot her a sickly smile and stepped to the side to let her in before getting out. "Ma'am. Have a good day."

He needed a moment to overcome his embarrassment before he could start his trek down the long hallway, trying to find his destination in the labyrinth of dead end and connection hallways with dozens of doors to small offices.

Was it office 669 or 666? His nervous brain simply wouldn't remember which was the right office number when he stopped in the middle of the hallway. His gaze jumped between the two office doors, one located to his left in the main corridor, the other to his right in a dead end, and his heart thundered even faster when he realised that neither of the doors had the company name written on the opal glass window.

How was he supposed to survive the interview when he couldn't even remember a simple number? He felt his brain going into panic mode, effectively jeopardising his ability to solve his problem logically!

 _Oh hell, oh hell, oh hell…_

However, just as he wanted to flush his dignity down the drain by slinking back to the reception to ask for the right number, door 666 opened and a tall, athletic man about his age stepped out. His brown eyes gazed down the corridor searchingly, and when he spotted Percy, an upwelling of relief flashed over his face.

"Oh good, you found me. I was worried that you would get lost up here!" he exclaimed with a Scottish brogue in his voice, and Percy released a breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding. The blockade in his brain disappeared quickly, though a part of him was still slightly confused, and sincerely surprised about the youthfulness of his interviewer. And his attractiveness…

 _Focus!_

"Percy Weasley. It's a pleasure to meet you. I was almost lost, to be honest," he said politely, stepping closer to shake the other man's hand and trying not to stare at his appearance – a loose tie, waistcoat and rolled up shirt sleeves revealing tattooed forearms seemed weirdly unprofessional and laid back for an interviewer. But he wasn't one to judge someone by their clothes – growing up wearing his older brothers clothes had taught him that they didn't say much about the person wearing them – so he concentrated on making a good impression.

"Oliver Wood," the young man replied. "I'm glad I had a look outside, then. Come in, please. Your resume was very impressive, Mr Weasley, you have an interesting skill set. Have a seat. Can I offer you something to drink?"

The small office was very spartan and seemed oddly expansive with only a desk, two chairs and a barely filled bookcase inside, but Percy was too focused on his host to notice it much anyway. Mister Wood moved with boundless energy, and sometimes he even seemed too fast for himself, but it never seemed awkward. It just seemed powerful, or as though he was trying to restrain his power to a modest amount… His movements were quick but precise, and Percy found himself slightly distracted. Somehow his mind felt more focused upon the small details instead of concentrating on the questions Wood was asking, like he should have, and so he was embarrassingly clueless when Wood sat down on the other side of the desk and looked at him expectantly.

Hell, this day really wasn't going the way he'd wanted it to, and Percy felt like he appeared as an unprofessional idiot.

"Uhm… yes?" he said, clueless of what he was answering to, but Wood's face lit up and he seemed impressed.

"That's very good, I need someone like you in my team. Tell me some more about yourself. Work ethics. Y'know, all that stuff."

"I would describe myself as a hard and scrupulous worker," Percy explained. "I'm willing to learn new things constantly, and if required I can take a hit for the team. Also I'm always able to find new, unusual ways to get the job done if difficulties occur."

Wood nodded, cocking his head, and leaned back in his chair with a pensive look that only caused Percy's nerves to worsen. Had he said something wrong? Or maybe he'd sounded too average?

"Okay, Percy, let me be completely honest here. When I read your resume, I was already convinced that you're the man I'm searching for. I realise that it may seem odd, considering how short this interview has been, but my impression hasn't changed and I would like to offer you a three-week probationary phase as my trainee. I need to see you in action before I make the final decision. You'll get full compensation, of course. How does that sound to you?"

Percy stared at Wood with wide eyes, barely able to keep his jaw from dropping. He'd expected a nerve-wracking, scrutinising interview, but here this attractive interviewer sat, telling him that he'd been considered the right person from the get-go? This had to be a dream. He couldn't believe it… and yet he'd said it...

"I… uhm… of course I accept," he stuttered after he finally managed to get his brain to form a sentence that made sense. "Thank you for this opportunity, Mr Wood."

A bright grin appeared on Wood's face, making his brown eyes sparkle in a way that caused an utterly embarrassing stumble to Percy's heart, and he stood up.

"Please, call me Oliver. Wonderful. Meet me here on Monday morning; we'll get into the action right away."

Barely able to believe his luck, Percy stood up and shook Oliver's hand, his head spinning and his hand prickling where their skin had come into contact. He got the job he'd been putting all his hopes on… He couldn't find words to describe how happy he felt in that moment.

When he left the office, Oliver gazing after him with a satisfied expression, Percy felt like he was floating, and therefore he was too distracted to notice the gentleman in a fine suit peeking out of the office 669, glancing up and down the corridor in confusion.

OoO

Oliver couldn't help but feel like something was seriously off about his new trainee, but he couldn't put his finger on it exactly.

It wasn't that Percy wasn't motivated – he always seemed to turn up half an hour early and seemed eager for any task given to him – or that he didn't learn quickly enough. He'd been a help so far, and proven to be very good with computers – one of the few fields Oliver had to admit that he truly sucked at – but it still felt like there was something wrong.

At first, he had to admit that he'd been too distracted by his new trainee's intelligence and good looks to notice anything. It was embarrassing, something that usually never happened to him, and so it annoyed him twice as much.

Oliver was a professional hitman. He wasn't supposed to be distracted _ever_! It was his job to be aware of his surroundings, of the people and their actions, so he could react accordingly.

When he thought about it, it should definitely have struck him earlier how many weird things Percy had done and kept doing when you looked beneath his euphoria and acribic work ethics.

On his first day, they'd hacked into their new target's house security system, and Percy had asked with quite some concern if they were doing something illegal – had Percy taken his sarcastic 'No, of course not' seriously?

A few days later, they'd been on observation, following the target around the city to get a feel for his routines and for what kind of people he surrounded himself with, and Percy had mumbled something about liking to 'get out and have diverse work locations' while typing away on the laptop they'd brought.

Oliver couldn't help but wonder if Percy really had applied for this post, since he didn't seem to fit the profile of men he usually met in this profession _at all_. But then, maybe Oliver himself might have mistaken the concern about legality and any other remarks – they could have been jokes uttered in the wrong tone.

Yes, surely it was like that, it was the only reasonable explanation. Percy was just bad at making jokes and maybe still a bit insecure with his new position, leading to these weird little things.

This explanation calmed Oliver enough to silence his suspicions when he went to work the next day, equipping a sniper rifle from one of his hiding places – their target's last day had come. There was a time of day he was unguarded in his home office, which was excellently visible from a hill above a townhouse, and that would be the weakness they and their client would profit from.

Having tasked Percy with obtaining a getaway car for them, Oliver already waited for his trainee on the hill, preparing his equipment in the calm demeanor he always assumed before bringing a mission to its end.

Just as he'd finished his preparations, he heard leaves rustle and branches snap behind him, and a moment later, Percy's loud complaints about mosquitos – they would definitely have to work on his stealth skills in the future.

"Okay, I'm here. If you'd told me we would go on a hiking trip I would have brought a picnic," Percy greeted him when he reached the top of the hill, and Oliver chuckled. There was the badly voiced jokes again that he found secretly adorable. "I really do have to say that I appreciate this unconventional way of working more with every day."

"That was a good one, man. You got the car?"

While giving an affirmative nod, Percy knelt down next to Oliver, swaying a little and bumping shoulders with him, which led to a moment of staring into each other's eyes for a tiny bit longer than what would be deemed normal. Such a pause kept happening whenever they were in close quarters like this, and Oliver had to remind himself harshly that there was a job to be done.

"Well, uhm, that's good. We gotta start, then," he said, clearing his throat awkwardly, and then handed Percy a pair of binoculars. "He'll come home any moment. Have a look at the grounds to make sure nobody of the security team is out. Wouldn't want them to spot us by chance."

"We're weirdly obsessed with that guy," Percy joked while he did what he'd been ordered to do, scanning the surroundings of the townhouse. "What's our business with him again?"

Oliver cocked an eyebrow in irritation, doubts whirling up inside him like leaves that had been picked up by the wind. Raising the rifle with the expression of an adult who had to explain something to a kid for the fourth time, he tried to sound as patient as humanly possible in that moment when he asked: "What does this look like for you?"

Percy blinked a few times, frowning, then his eyes widened and he pushed his glasses back up his nose as cold sweat broke out on his skin and he squeaked: "What, you mean we're here to _kill_ him?"

After a good minute of simply staring at Percy, Oliver hissed: "Dude, why else would we sneak around here with a rifle and require a getaway car? We're hitmen; killing is what we do!"

He tried to process that he'd obviously failed to listen to his gut-feeling, which had been right all along. His trainee wasn't who he'd thought he was.

"No, no, no, I'm not a hitman! I've never harmed someone in my whole life. You can't drag me into this!" Percy exclaimed; panic and disbelief rang in his voice and he stared down at the rifle with wide eyes, continuing to shake his head. However, what hit Oliver most was how Percy immediately scooted away from him, looking at him as if he'd suddenly grown a second head. They'd been so comfortable around each other...

"You seriously never noticed?" Oliver asked. "How blind were you?"

"I can't believe this mess!"

Oliver glanced down at the townhouse, which had been almost forgotten in the last minutes, and saw that his target had entered the office. He had a decision to make, and if he wanted to prevent this incident from ruining his reputation, he had to finish this job.

Raising the rifle, he tried to calm his heartbeat down, though it was difficult with how many feelings had cooked up inside him, and took his aim. A good hitman always adapted to changing situations quickly.

Just as his finger was touching the trigger, Percy shrieked next to him: "What are you doing?"

Oliver's finger slipped; his balanced grip on the weapon faltered, and as the shot rang out, muffled by the silencer, he knew that it had missed his target. He estimated that it had hit the window still, and that meant that they had to get out of here.

As much as the furious part of him wanted to push Percy under the bus and leave him there, he knew that he couldn't risk for the man to sing about him. And maybe, maybe a small part of him didn't want to leave him behind because he'd gotten attached to him.

Oliver pushed his anger aside when he shouldered his rifle and grabbed Percy by the biceps, dragging him into a sprint down the hill and towards the location Percy was supposed to have parked their getaway car. What the hell had he gotten himself into when he'd searched for a trainee?

They broke out of the underbrush and onto the deserted street at the foot of the hill a few seconds later. Oliver's gaze jumped up and down the street in confusion, his voice shaky and breathy when he asked: "Where the fuck is the car?"

"O-over there," Percy gasped weakly, sounding as if he would collapse from lack of air any moment, and pointed over at a small, white car parked in the shade of a tree. Oliver blinked a few times in confusion, then his anger flared up even more.

"Are you serious? If you're trying to pull a joke on me, this is the wrong freaking time!"

Even though he couldn't believe what he was seeing, the professional inside him urged him to get to the car nonetheless, though he was quite unsure of its qualification as a getaway car – it being new was the only positive thing Oliver could find in that moment. On the first glance, he'd been able to tell that it was an electric vehicle from a well-known Bavarian automobile manufacturer; small, ugly, and definitely neither fast nor inconspicuous.

"What? We're in the city, we don't ned a big cruiser. Also, guess who'll find a parking space everywhere _and_ is driving more eco-friendly?"

If looks could kill as effectively as Oliver's rifle, Percy would have dropped dead while unlocking the car and climbing into the driver's side. Oliver truly wished in that moment he had a different choice, but since he didn't, he crammed himself and his rifle, which he held on to tightly, into the passenger seat. "The last thing I'm concerned about while doing my job is my ecological footprint!"

"Considering how much you ride around town in that old junk car of yours, it must be horrific!" Percy spat angrily while starting the engine and pulling onto the street, obviously welcoming the opportunity to distract himself from the horrific realisation he'd just had.

"Look at all the fucks I give! My work results are biodegradable!"

They both fell silent, staring out of the windshield with dark glares as Percy steered them through more crowded streets, and the atmosphere got more uncomfortable with every second with no significant engine noise to mask the heavy silence. How Oliver hated electric vehicles.

"We have to talk about this," Oliver grumbled finally, knowing that he could only hope that Percy wouldn't rat him out to the police.

"I'd rather not. But if we have to, we can do this over dinner."

"Are you asking me out?"

Oliver's voice was weak during the joke, and the smile that Percy flashed was even weaker and tighter. "We have to re-evaluate our professional relationship."

Silence fell over them again as Oliver pondered if that meant that Percy would stay under certain conditions, but he didn't dare to get his hopes up. "Yeah, I guess we have to. Burgers?"

A frown passed over Percy's face and he seemed on the verge of breaking into another lecture, but then he simply shrugged. "Whatever. Somewhere we can talk."

"If you're worried about me doing something to silence you…"

"There'll be no need for that. Like I said, we have to negotiate new rules. I need the money."

The last sentence was added very quickly and in a dismissive voice, and Oliver couldn't help but grin.

Percy was willing to consider a second chance, despite the shock of the revelations, and that was all he needed to know in this moment.


End file.
